Kuta

Day 11: Nusa Dua

Nusa Dua coastline:  It was here that I decided to have my first massage....

 

I’m sitting by the pool, watching the sun drop over triangular terraces, when a hand squeezes my thigh.

“You want massage?” The voice comes from a stocky, slightly boisterous woman who despite asking a question, clearly is leading me to one answer.  Before I can reply, she takes my hand and is doing some jedi-shit which leads me into a discussion with her as to whether I want a Swedish, Balinese or Shiatsu massage.

Twenty-five minutes later and I am sitting in the spa reception with my feet dangling in a bowl full of water, with flowers floating on top.

 

The boisterous masseuse I met at the pool, has decided that I should have an ‘aromatherapy massage’ and I am now stripped to my boxers waiting for further instructions.

A small girl comes in (which is slightly disappointing) as the older woman I encountered earlier, perfectly fits my stereotype of the perfect masseuse.

 

I am now face down on the bed, my head peering through the hole at another bowl of water with more floating flowers.

  Suddenly my legs are being firmly pushed and then gripped, as I feel thumbs performing circular motions in the top of my calves.  My first impression at this point is that, a massage is not the least bit erotic and so far not even relaxing.

Then, suddenly and without warning, my solar plexus is being pushed into the bed with such force that I consider a cough as the manly sign to let my masseuse know that this isn’t fun for me.  I decide to remain silent as my mind drifts back twenty years to when my brother and I spent many a happy hour, beating the proverbial shit out of one another.  Whilst considering the impact WWF Wrestling had on our early childhood, a tight clench on the top of my shoulders brings me back to the here and now.  For the first time, my body starts to relax as the warm lavender oil washes over and absorbs into my skin.  Any fears of whether my backside was hairy, spotty or both have long disappeared and I am now enjoying the experience for the first time.  As my body enters into a state of détente, my mind drifts downwards to the floor where a small line of ants seem to be marching dutifully and with purpose. 

They remind me how we as humans can be so regimental, repeating the same process – following the same path without deviation, over and over again.

 Then I am separating strands of sleep with my surroundings, releasing that I was drifting into a deep sleep.

  The masseuse now wants me to turn over and sit upright.  Now I am at a 90 degree angle and once more enjoying the soothing effect that the oil is having, as it soaks and nourishes my dry, sun-damaged skin.  In hot climates, I usually approach the sun with caution (dare I say even respect), but then I have one day of stupidity where I spend all day in the sun, burning to a crisp then hobbling back to my room with third degree burns so I can deal with my dizzy head and loose bowels.

That was days ago now and my peeling skin and bright red nose are a proud trophy providing testament that only mad dogs and Englishman go out in the midday sun (without sun cream and water).

I am sharply prompted back to the present by the masseuse pushing the top half of my body forward.  I am worried now because she doesn’t know what I do – that I don’t really bend!!

 At first a small smile forms on my face because my flexibility is better than I realised but soon I am back to the business end of my fighting days with my brother.

At anytime, if he had me in this position and was thrusting my head into my pelvic region with such force, I would have had to tap out or shout “submit” (a term that signified that one of us could take no more) and the other would bask in glory until next time.

Thankfully, I am being pulled upwards and switch once more to lay on my front.  The fear of the unknown has now been replaced with a purely psychological issue.  It seems strange to me to have someone touching you for one hour with no intimacy whatsoever, so I deal with this by closing my eyes and doing my best impression of pretending to be asleep.

As the masseuse works from my chest to my legs, I feel my body so relaxed now although I have pressure forming around my temples.  After some reflexology, which was quite ticklish, the masseuse has me turn over once more in order to massage my neck and shoulders.  The warm oil, hasn’t lost any of it’s effect and I am once more fully relaxed.

Now the masseuse is rubbing my head and although the oil she is rubbing into my hair just feels wrong, the tension is subsiding and I can feel my head and my mind giving way to the whole experience.

Before I know it, an hour has flown by and I am heading out the door after paying (50,000 IDR/$6/£4) and agreeing “the same time tomorrow?”.       

Day 10: Bali By Bike

Day 9 Ubud

This day has split into two parts in my mind - the good and the bad.  We spent the morning walking around Ubud town looking at the art and craft work which was never-ending.  It was a great day, the sun was shining, there were so many interesting sights and great photo opportunities but all that was about to change.  On the way back to our hotel, we passed a small store and popped in for some drinks and snacks.  I emerged extremely happy having found salt and vinegar crisps and cadburys milk chocolate.  So we headed home down the hill and through the monkey temple.

  The last time I visited the monkey temple was an experience as first I was sitting on the wall next to a monkey and then he was on my head and his little monkey hands were in my face and the fun stopped.  I asked my friends to help me but they were in hysterics and wanted to capture this 'magical moment'/ terrible ordeal on camera.  Then one of my friends did something heroic which I will never forget, he went to push the monkey and this is what happened -  

This game had long stopped being fun so by now I am shouting "get him off, get him off my f#&*ing head".  My friend acted quickly by taking off his t-shirt and effectively scaring the monkey off.  I have nothing else to say about this other than two years later I am walking home and hoping that we don't have to go through the monkey temple - of course it happens to be the ONLY way home so I make my way nervously through this path of monkey mayhem.

Everything was going fine until one monkey decided he was interested in what was in my bag.  Now some people might be thinking that if I was walking through the park merrily swinging my bag of treats that I was asking for what was about to happen.  I disaggree vehemently.  I was sneaking on the outskirts of the park trying to slip by unnoticed when a monkey came running from behind and grabbed my bag.  At first I wasn't going to let it go but Cassandra was shouting "Let him have it, it's not worth it" and so the moment became too much and I released the bag and as I did, I saw my dignity fly off into the jungle with it.  I made my way back confused and shocked with what had just happened.  I couldn't help but feel it was personal and whatsmore, I have always supported monkeys - eating cocopops as a child and drinking PG Tips more recently.
  I returned to the hotel a broken and damaged man, twice I had walked through that park - I had now been molested and robbed.  I curled up in the safety of my blanket and did a lot of soul searching, asking myself a lot of questions.  I still to this day don't think that the behaviour of those monkeys was moral or justified but the therapy is definitely helping and the nightmares are wearing off.



Eventually my pride came back to me and we decided to go and see traditional Balinese dancing that evening.  We opted for the 'Kecak Dance' - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kecak which was quite incredible. 

There were around 80 men who entered the room and sat in a circle. 

 They then started chanting.

Next two young ladies started dancing.

There was a play and a storyline which was captivating up until a masked monkey came in. In nobody's world is a masked monkey ok or normal.

However things were about to get a whole lot more exciting as they brought out a pile of coconuts and preceded to set them on fire.

We were sitting pretty close and I was worried because my shoes were melting.

Then they brought this guy who was in a trance and suddenly we had ourselves a show.

He danced like only a bare-footed man could on hot coals