I am alive and safe and the reason that nobody has heard sight nor sound from me for over a week now is because Cassandra and I have been exploring Bali and it's surroundings.
I hope that at least some of the following passages will describe and let you know what life is like here and what we have gained from this trip.
Winter Vacation Day 1 - Rushing.
My time keeping by and large is pretty good with one exception - the airport. For some reason, despite often knowing my flight schedule months,weeks or at least days in advance, I almost always find myself rushing to the airport.
Perhaps on some deeper sub-concious level, I enjoy the thrill of gambling with my minutes but not this time as I really thought that we would miss our flight. As I sat helplessly stranded on the subway, I decided to use this experience and write about it:
"We'll miss it, no we won't".
I have a chance, but time is ticking. "STOP! Don't tick, don't even move. Let everything stop, just 10 minutes is all I ask. Let the world stop spinning.....pause.......grind everyone to a sudden halt, stop them in their tracks but let me frantically dash in the eerie silence of nothingness as I try to catch up time, as I try to catch my plane.
This feeling is unbearable, dibilitating. God has reached inside my stomach and tied me in knots. What have I done to deserve this? I will be good, I will change, I will be better. But I don't believe in God - then suddenly a twinge - a sign? More excrutiating pain in the pit of my stomach and another glance towards the clock and an inward glance at my moral compass. The world is now against me, conspiring to ruin and jeopardise my every move. So my head is spinning and my heart thumping, thumping, thumping...every second beating but I don't have seconds - they are spilling out of my hands and between my fingers like a liquid I can't control. I need everything to turn, to change and now isn't the time to not believe in a higher power.
I will pretend and God will help me, give me this chance. The clock is ticking and the hands still turning - and I am now frozen in time trying to get closer to something which is moving further away. My only hope - placed in something I don't believe in but belief is all I have as I see my chance slowly slipping away.
The train stops and a quick glance at the watch makes me realise that there is still the slimmest of chances, what if...? No more time to think, the doors open and I am released. With every muscle pumping, each sinnew straining, I am now running free, faster and faster, out of control - a cold hard machine. I run faster and faster, knowing that I have a chance, a possibility of "SHIT!!" - A barrier. A machine that doesn't understand my urgency, unaware of my personal race.
Then the green light and I am once more free to let loose and run like I never have before - the hands of the clock still ticking but I am now flying through the dimensions of time as my destination comes into sight.
I reach and suddenly fall - I'm not quite there, my whole body trembling now and my heart is on fire, each and every breath pushes me closer.
Onward and forward, weaving between people, my mind focusing on whether I'm in time or if this has all been in vain.
I arrive at the desk, papers scrunched in my hand - "Bali" I manage and hand over the papers. After two excrutiating minutes of watching the guy read my itinerary, constantly looking for some clue in his expression as to whether I have made it on time, he smiles and tells me I will be sitting in 19c. "Please make your way to gate 42 as your flight will be boarding in 10 minutes."
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